Santa: so kind. So crafty.

As you make your journey around the world, remember my five essential lessons, Santa-san:

1. A chimney is but a construct. To fit down it, you simply must believe you can fit down it.

2. A true ninja does not need snow to soften the sound of his boots.

3. To take a bite from the cookie and a sip from the milk is a vital part of your mission. To eat all the cookies and drink all the milk ensures the mission will be a failure. Eat wisely.

4. If you seek to know who is truly naughty and who is truly nice, you must transcend both naughtiness and niceness. You must exist on an elevated moral plane that few can understand and even fewer can reach.

5. The reindeer fly because they know no logic that says they cannot. They're minds are not knotted with the same fear and anxiety as a human's. So, don't just follow the reindeer; be one with the reindeer.

Wear this shirt: on the night before Christmas.

Don't wear this shirt: while you deck the halls. Could get messy.

This shirt tells the world: "To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Quietly!"

We call this color: Did you hear? Kelly Green received a stocking full of coal this year!

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