“Johann! Marco! Ring the alarm! Close the city gates! Someone has taken the cross off the official flag again!”

”’Taken’, Philippe? ‘Taken’? That’s cute, but say what we all know: someone has eaten the cross off the flag.”

“This is not the time to start this again.”

“It’s never the time, is it? It’s never the right time to point out that our flag will keep getting defaced like this as long as we’re stupid enough to make it partially edible. No, no, scratch that – partially delicious.”

“Look, the flag is like an advertisement for your country. We’d be crazy not to put cheese on there. It’s one of the things we do best.”

“I just know that this never happens to Croatia or Belgium. Nobody in Denmark ever wakes up to find that their national symbol has been devoured. Again.”

“OK, then, what’s your bright idea?”

“We replace the cheese cross with a chocolate cross. We’re also renowned for our chocolate, why not put it front and center?”

“But that’s absurd. It wouldn’t go five minutes without someone eating-”

“Ah-HA! So you admit that an edible emblem is a bad idea!”

“Fine. Fine. We’ll try just painting a white cross on. But we’ve got to find some other way of getting the word out about our cheese.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m working on a deal with the cartoon industry. Generations of children will grow up thinking all cheese has holes in it.”

Wear this shirt: if you slice your cheese with your army knife.

Don’t wear this shirt: beyond the point where the shirt itself starts to get holes in it. That would be conceptually ambiguous.

This shirt tells the world: “The cheese has eyes.”

We call this color: Red Isn’t A Neutral Color.

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