(Translated from Xr’Zthlan)

Listen, rookie: I was flying missions for the Xr’Zthlan Transgalactic Exploration Corps T4 squadron when you were still in beta testing. I’ve seen things that’d give you permanent undefined exception errors. So don’t give me that kiddy crap about “seeking out new life and new civilizations.” We’re out here for one thing and one thing only: To secure new supplies of the Kglo-Gar 66 biofuel our civilization needs. All that feel-good nonsense about interplanetary understanding, leave that for the recruitment ads; it doesn’t fly out here.

I’m sending you the coordinates for our destination planet, “U’rth,” where the natives produce mass quantities of Kglo-Gar 66 for use as snack cake filling. It’s going to be a long trip. And I swear, if I hear you use the phrase “final frontier” even once on the way there, I’ll break formation to personally fly over there and cram the spare fin from my starpod right up your [info-waste port unique to Xr’Zthlan engineering, no good translation exists].

This shirt was designed by: Jesse Philips, who used the old “I’ve-got-some-lovely-artwork-back-at-my-Flickr-page” ploy on us, and we totally fell for it.

Wear this shirt: over the Y’Thaniate chassis that houses your nanoprocessor tanks, biofluid tubing, and chemical heating unit.

Don’t wear this shirt: to visit the Xr’Zthlan Transgalactic Exploration Corps F7 squadron’s hangar—those guys will literally dismantle you. Talk about your fierce institutional rivalries!

This shirt tells the world: “Surrender or be destroyed.”

We call this color: Intergalactic Navy

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