2nd place in Derby #146: Eyewitness History, with 747 votes!

Don’t get me started on those moon-booted thugs trampling our lunar landscape! Man, the last one was… what, 1972? And I’m still riled.

It’s like: Yeah, good for you that you found a nice place for your flag. But did you ever think that spot you picked might be some Moonman’s front yard? No. No, you did not think that.

Any one of us could have hepped those flat-topped yahoos to the local etiquette—you know, if they’d taken the time to stop and say hello to the welcome committee. But apparently Earth men say “hello” with the bottom of their boot-heels. Barbarians! Now we’ve got unsightly footprints and buggy treadmarks all over the village. In case you didn’t realize, it takes forEVer for those to fade around here. We don’t exactly get a lot of rain.

Yeah, and by the way, they could have at least PRETENDED to look for their golf balls. Obnoxious.

Wear this shirt: when giant steps are what you take, in hopes your legs don’t break.

Don’t wear this shirt: on the Moon. You’re going to want layers up there. And some of them should be your Integrated Thermal Micrometeoroid Garment. It’s not really a t-shirt kind of place.

This shirt tells the world: “Join NASA: Travel to distant celestial bodies, meet alien species, and squoosh them.”

We call this color: Heather Graylien

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