3rd place in Derby #238: Kitties!, with 719 votes!

No, I’m not bitter. I just wish you would have told me you were entering Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz in the art contest, that’s all.

Yes, honey, I can see the cat’s got talent. I did, after all, graduate with a double major in Visual Arts and Art Appreciation, not to mention the decades I’ve been honing my craft as an artist. So, yeah, clearly Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz has a knack for painting, especially when it comes to things the general, if not slightly uneducated public wants in their homes.

Tone? I’m not using a tone. Am I disappointed that the rules of the contest didn’t strictly disallow animals to participate? A little, sure, but that kind of thing is usually unwritten, but accepted among my fellow human artists. I was under the impression novelties such as marginally-skilled cat painters wouldn’t be up for awards. I guess I was wrong.

Yes, dear, I will be sure to hang Mr. Fuzz-Fuzz’s 1st Place certificate in the living room just as soon as I get done lining his litter box with my Honorable Mention. Now can we please chance the subject?

Wear this shirt: as a way of motivating your cats to do something other than lay around in sunbeams all day.

Don’t wear this shirt: while teaching your dog to play poker.

This shirt tells the world: “And you thought I was only good at licking myself.”

We call this color: Paint On The Asphalt

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