Enough with the bravado. Enough with the posing. Enough with the mystic Chinese or Celtic or Runic or Japanese characters that probably mean something far more embarrassing than what you think they mean. What this world needs is more honest tattoos.

Next time, instead of that meaningless fantasy tat you were going to get, try UNEMPLOYABLE in big Olde English lettering across your throat. Or maybe cover your chest with the mugshot from your most recent DUI, rendered in the style of Boris Vallejo if that makes you feel better. Or adorn your bicep with a wilted rose encircled by banners reading I’D RATHER BE WEARING SWEATPANTS.

With a real truth-in-tattooing law, it’d be so much easier to tell the difference between potential lover and pathetic loser, between cool and criminally psychotic. This t-shirt is a start – and it won’t even hurt you to wear it. Notice you never see any WIMP tattoos?

This shirt was designed by: St. Louis tattoo jockey and jolly bon vivant Jamie Toon, who had to kill, like, 50 birds with his bare hands before he found just the right model for this design. Along with having the great good fortune to be born with the awesomest big brother this side of Orwell, Jamie triumphantly triumphed in Shirt.Woot’s first-ever Analog Derby.

Wear this shirt: out on the town and maybe, just maybe, the ladies will finally let you have a moment’s peace.

Don’t wear this shirt: if it would cover up a better-looking tattoo. You probably paid more than ten bucks to have that done, right? Well, are you gonna let 7-11 tell you how to live your life?

This shirt tells the world: “The only good tattoo cliche is a dead tattoo cliche.”

We call this color: Inky Black.

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