A Devastating Display of Bot-On-Bot Violence.
3rd place in Derby #82: Individualism, with 1135 votes!
“I’m here with Billy ‘Pretty Boy’ Blue, who’s just defeated Roberto Roboto, ‘The Red Menace,’ in one of the most shocking upsets I’ve seen in my career. Pretty Boy, what got into you out there?”
“I’M THE MASTER OF DISASTER, CLARENCE. YOU KNOW THAT. NOW THE WHOLE COUNTRY KNOWS IT. I’M LEAN. I’M MEAN. I’M A FIGHTING MACHINE. LITERALLY, I AM A MACHINE DESIGNED AND ENGINEERED FOR FIGHTING.
“YOU SEE THIS BELT, AMERICA? NO, NOT THAT ONE, THAT’S JUST A DRIVE BELT THAT RUNS MY SECONDARY PUNCHING ARM. I MEAN THIS BELT, THIS ONE HERE. THIS IS THE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT. IT’S FOR CHAMPIONS ONLY. IT’S BEEN IN ROBOTO’S RUSTY HANDS FOR TOO LONG. NOW IT’S BACK WHERE IT BELONGS. LET HIM TRY TO RETRIEVE IT. ROBOTO, I’M TALKING TO YOU NOW: RETIRE TO THE SCRAP HEAP, YOU CHUMP. I AM NOT PROGRAMMED TO HOLD A GRUDGE. BUT IF YOU DARE TO FACE ME IN THE RING AGAIN, A FATAL EXCEPTION MAY OCCUR.
“JUST ONE MORE THING, CLARENCE, I’D LIKE TO GIVE THANKS TO MY CREATOR FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH I NEEDED TO GET IT DONE IN THE RING.”
“Creator? You mean…”
“YES, ALL HONOR AND PRAISE TO THE FATHER, ARCHIE FINKLEBERG, FOUNDER OF FINKLEBERG ROBOTICS AND THE SOURCE OF MY POWER, COURAGE AND COMMITMENT, PATENTS PENDING.”
“You heard it, folks—a demonstrative ‘Pretty Boy’ Blue, exuberant after reclaiming the Megaultraheavyweight championship belt! This is Clarence MacHammertoe reporting ringside from Rockemsockemania XVIII… Wow, what a match! Back to you, Frank.”
Wear this shirt: around shirt.woot’s Kahuna Grande, Joel. Did you know Joel actually collects tiny chairs? It’s true. We don’t think he’s got a steel folding one, though.
Don’t wear this shirt: in a cage match, unless you buy an extremely tightly-fitting size. You don’t want to give your opponent anything to grab hold of (besides your long, flowing hair, which is a liability too, but since it’s your trademark you can’t very well cut it short).
This shirt tells the world: “IT’S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMMIT”
We call this color: Turnbuck-Lemon.
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