Here we are, just two thugs passing the time in a warehouse playing chess. What could go wrong?

“I’m tellin’ you, I heard somethin’.”

Oh stop your whinin’, Tank. The boss has been plannin’ this for months. He’d never let a detail slip out where the bat could find it. We’re safe, man. We just have to hold down this warehouse until the big guy gets back to unload the merchandise. Then we collect our cut and we’re outta here.

“I don’t know man. I hear he’s supernatural or somethin’-”

Look, I don’t want to freak you out even more, but the simple fact is if the bat was here you wouldn’t hear him. That’s how he operates: he’s silent. I got busted by him once, back when I was in Riddler’s gang; I was mindin’ my own business when the next thing I know there’s a smoke bomb going off at my feet and by the time I look back up there’s already an elbow crushing my nose. Honestly, it wasn’t that bad; I was out like a light pretty quickly.

“How was that, workin’ for Riddler’s gang?”

Eh, you gotta wear somethin’ with a giant, stupid question mark all the time. Tough to get the rest of the henchmen to take you seriously with that. But his health plan is top notch; totally covered my nasal reconstruction.

“So why’d you leave?”

No room for advancement, really. Plus I found out Black Mask gives two extra floating holidays you can use whenever; and my buddy Tony’s been with this outfit for his whole career. He loves it. So I took a chance.

“Yeah, the holidays are nice. You’re right, man. This ain’t such a bad gig.”

That’s why it pays to unionize, friend.

“Hey, where’d your knight go? It’s not on the board.”

It’s not? Well it- Oh f&^%. NOT THE NOSE AGAIN, PLEASE NOT THE NOSE!

Wear this shirt: While stalking your city’s skyline to mercilessly pummel everyone with less money than you.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you actually ARE the Dark Knight. You’re just inviting unwanted questions.

This shirt tells the world: “I still wouldn’t have the attention span to sit through a game of chess.”

We call this color: The Silver Age was better.

Back to top