3rd place in Derby #104: Tattoo, with 726 votes!

You know that feeling you get when you turn on the radio and you hear The Clash fading out? Well, kiwis feel like that all the time. They have those teeny wings. They might as well be lead weights for all the good they do. Even on a really nice day, all they have to do is look up to be reminded what they’re missing. It’s very discouraging.

Is it any wonder that the kiwi is considered “high risk”? After all, where can it go? Even worse than a glass ceiling is a skylight you simply can’t reach. This is why the kiwi does dangerous things, like drinking, smoking, and getting tattoos. The kiwi simply can’t help it. It wants to be a bird, just like all the other birds out there. But it has to find other ways to feel like it can fly.

Wear this shirt: when you’re killing dragons. That’s right, we said it.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you have not yet passed through the rituals that designate you an adult member of your people. Even though we say that here, we’re still selling kids sizes. Go figure, right?

This shirt tells the world: “I am quite possibly under the protection of Tane Mahuta at this very second, so step off, jack.”

We call this color: Strawberry Kiwis And Creme

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