Every year, millions of turtles hatch and begin a long, dangerous march to the sea. Not all of them will survive. Even less will become black belts.

1st place in Derby #76: Beginning, with 1873 votes!

Ah, childhood. So innocent. So free. That hard shell of aloof disdain still hasn’t developed and everything is made new, each and every morning. A pretty green glow? How could that be dangerous? You have to be careful around the edges of the glass but everyone knows that.

No begging for deadly weapons. No strange cravings for pizza. No angry rebellion or bursting hormones that want to go out and start a fight. There’s not even any interest in pretty girl reporters or staying out after dark. There’s just a slow and steady sort of love that you wish and hope will never change.

This shirt was designed by: DeadFrog. He tried to get a dose of radioactive isotope so that he’d get superpowers, but who ever heard of a superpowered frog? So he just died. He’s in froggy heaven now. It’s kinda like chicken heaven but a bit less meat.

Wear this shirt: to hide your chest hare. Get it? Get it? Because a tortoise beats a… aw, come on. We’re in Vegas this week and we’re exhausted. Give us a break.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you think that it would be cute to feed antifreeze to turtles. It’s not cute. It’s just mean.

This shirt tells the world: “Go Ninja Go Ninja Go”

We call this color: Much Like Other Famous Child Stars, They Lost Olive Their Money And Had To Pose For Playboy In Order To Pay The Rent

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