Kites were invented as a weapon, you know.

The Chinese used kites to take control of the skies, back when the skies weren’t something it was very easy to control. Sure, these days we’ve got too many F-22s, but back then, teams of men were working around the clock to figure out how to tie tissue paper to wood. And some general was slamming his fist on the desk and yelling “I don’t care how many men it takes! You get me a kite!” Only he probably didn’t call it a kite because it was China and plus they wouldn’t have even named it yet.

So when you’re out enjoying a fun day in a windy park, keep in mind how many thousands of millions of people died because of this deadly, deadly monster. Would you play landmine baseball? Well, okay, that does sound kind of cool. But what about poison gas tennis? Wow, that’s kinda a good idea too. Okay, you know what? Let’s forget all that Lady Diana crap and just go nuts with the weapons. You get a tank, we’ll get a helicopter, that old tree has a force field and it’s the base, and… what time is it? Okay, we play for an hour and then switch teams. Everybody think that’s fair?

Wear this shirt: daa datda daaa dat daa datdat daa daa, daa dat da daaa dat daa dat daa daa, daa datda daaa dat daa datdat daa daa, wear this shirt when it’s windy.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you don’t wish to be part of that sort of Association.

This shirt tells the world: “OH GOD WHY DIDN’T I JUST BUY A BALSA WOOD GLIDER”

We call this color: Olive By The Kite, Odie By The Kite

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