What is America? Is it a hand from a German? A thigh from Russia? An ear from London, a tongue from Mexico, a chest from Canada, a kidney from Thailand, a back from Senegal? It is all these things and more, stitched together into a freakish shambling mess that somehow cannot be stopped by fire or pitchforks or angry villagers.

Lonely, but pretending it wants to be left alone, the monster that did not ask to be looks only to find a place in the world, and a partner. It makes mistakes, sure, but why should we focus on that little girl with the roses over and over again? Why not instead look forward to the grand future ahead of the monster? A future where the supernatural Draculas and werewolves of the Old Country must give way to a thing of pure reason, birthed by the science and technology we now outsource to India. Oh brave new world that has such monsters in it!

Wear this shirt: to do the chores in fresh air. Farm living is the life!

Don’t wear this shirt: to visit the stores in Times Square. Don’t you adore a penthouse view?

This shirt tells the world: “YOU. WIFE. GOODBYE. LIFE.”

We call this color: Black Acres We Are There (doo doot doo doot doot… doot doot!)

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