1st place in Derby #172 Home for the Holidays, with 1320 votes!

Yeah, this whole housing crisis, I don’t even know. I mean, first of all, they say it’s bad to be underwater, but you still have to cut a hole in the middle of the ice to fish. What genius came up with that? How are you supposed to keep from falling in the hole at night?

And then people keep saying your home can attack you. For no reason. You just walk in, open the door, and suddenly your house will start attacking you. I saw it myself, the old Johnson place did it to Ukmuk Johnson. No, that wasn’t his name, I just swallowed a bug right when I was talking. You ever do that? Man, it’s an awful feeling.

I’m telling you, it’s a renter’s game these days. You find a place you like, you keep on renting. Guy loses his mortgage, who cares? You got tenant rights, he can’t get rid of you! Unless you fall down some hole in the living room. I mean, couldn’t we even use safety cones? Are we cosplaying The Noble Savage or something?

Wear this shirt: when you’re worried about getting too close to bare.

Don’t wear this shirt: to a homeowner’s meeting. Those fangs are a clear violation of the door policy. We’ll have to fine you if you continue to challenge our authority.

This shirt tells the world: “Yeah, but in the tropics we’d have to deal with hippos.”

We call this color: Royal Blue Beary

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