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Bet you didn’t know there are bleak director’s cuts of all your favorite 90's animated feature films.

Any true fan of the Disney Renaissance would never watch the original cut of The Lion King. Hardcore D.R. nerds know that the director’s cut is far superior. It’s just so much more real – raw – evocative. It makes the original version seem almost juvenile by comparison.

SPOILER ALERT

You remember the scene where Mufasa dies saving Simba? Of course you do. Well, in the director’s cut there’s none of that Hollywood pre-fab schlock. Instead Mufasa fails, and Simba dies in the stampede.

The rest of the film is an extended, surrealist mourning scene. The circle of life is broken. The new generation is dead, and there’s nobody to continue the dynasty. The older characters slowly age and die under a fog of loss.

Sounds great, right? It’s almost as good as the Beauty and the Beast cut where Belle remains disgusted at the hideous Beast and quickly escapes.

Wear this shirt: To pledge your allegiance to Scar, the true king.

Don’t wear this shirt: As a costume in the hit Broadway adaption. It’s good, but not that good.

This shirt tells the world: “It means nothing but worries / For the rest of your days.”

We call this color: Brown is the new brown on the Serengeti.

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