My name is Greg Sampson and I represent to the Council For The Inclusion of Eggs Benedict in MEMEs and Internet Humor.

Every year, we see our prized open-faced poached egg breakfast sandwich passed-by by the power players of the digital silliness genre. Today, I stand before you to ask a simple question: why?

Take this shirt, for instance, making reference to the classic NES game, The Legend of Zelda. What exactly do pancakes offer in the way of hilarity that eggs Benedict do not? Certainly the word “eggs” followed by the first name of the greatest traitor in American history offers a greater possibility for yuk-yuks than a simple, self-explanatory name like “pancakes” (they are cakes made in a pan, after all). And certainly, there is no denying that Hollandaise sauce, both in title and appearance, is far funnier than syrup.

This proof of eggs Benedict’s comedic potential brought is clear and unarguable. So please, people of the internet, let’s reconsider which breakfast foods we choose to make fun of. To be fair, we are not expecting to see a bunch of sites like “I can haz eggz Benedict” or “Stuff that eggs Benedict like” go live tomorrow. Just, the next time you want to make a joke about pancakes or waffles or corned beef hash, ask yourself, “What about eggs Benedict?”

Thank you. That is all.

Wear this shirt: after your awakening.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re not going to wash it for seasons and ages.

This shirt tells the world: “I start my day thinking Ninten-do not Ninten-don’t.”

We call this color: As Black as a night in the Dark World of A Link To The Past.

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