You’re Not Mystics, Guys, You’re Scientists
Without the little things, there AREN’T any big things!
Deeeeear kindly Mr. Einstein
There’s something on our mind
They’re naturally around us
But not fully defined
Our mom say they’re just baryons
Our dads say they’re grouped quarks
How do protons work?
Gee, Professor Einstein, we’re slightly upset
As no one’s ever seen spon-tan-e-ous decay yet
Predicted the mass
Which comes from gluons speeding past.
Speeding past, speeding past
Like an overpass
It’s the par-ticle field adding mass!
That’s a good theory!
Let me present it to the world!
Not now, you’ve got a Chemistry class!
Deeeeear pleasant Dr. Rutherford
The changeover is rough
Instead of every atom
You only mean H+!
You say they bond when chilly
By which you mean the Sun!
This class ain’t no fun!
Right! Rutherford, I say, you’re really obtuse!
This nomenclature system only serves to exclude!
We’ll call it a hydron, then maybe we’ll see
Papers the average joe can read.
Guys like me!
Guys like me, guys like me
Who aren’t royalty
Can enjoy a particle’s beauty!
In the opinion of this peer review board, this young man’s theory is drastically unstable and he needs extra time to re-think his conclusions.
You mean my paper’s been waived on account it’s contrived?
Maybe you need to talk to Richard Feynman!
IIIIIII’m not so bad with “Star Trek”
I technobabble fine
But terms like “dipole moment”
Make me break out in hives!
It’s not that I’m not trying
But science just fights back!
Strunk and White!
What is it that I lack?
Yes! You stodgy professors, right here is the point!
We’ve aimed work just at experts, not dudes at strip joints!
We’re all made from science, it’s there if we try
So let’s give examples that apply!
Let ‘em fly!
They’ll apply, they’ll apply, not just dead white guys
Let’s do crazy things that will excite!
In my opinion, the world doesn’t truly know a thing until we can make it simple enough to go on a t-shirt.
Should we call them scien-tee-sts?
I think you’ll need to speak with a designer about that.
Deeeear lovely shirt designer
I’m thinking we use blue
Some statement scientific
But not too hard to prove!
We’ll hint it’s for the left brained
But aim at it the right!
That’s the way we fight!
Oh, Spirit of Warhol, how did we get here?
Einstein made it just a bit too elegant, I fear!
In five little char’cters he summed up his thoughts
Now slogans are what people want!
We want stunts!
We want stunts, we wants stunts, easy swallowed stunts
We can quote them back and go to lunch!
The trouble is with physics!
The trouble is with words!
The trouble’s in the teachers!
The trouble’s kids won’t learn!
The trouble’s we don’t know yet!
The trouble’s we need proof!
This is all the fault of William Prout!
Dear Hard Science people, stop acting arcane!
We know you’ve all been blessed with those superior brains
You solve grand equations that sometimes are true,
Just translate it later
Wear this shirt: to remind yourself that you’re not judged by your one greatest moment, but by all the little things you’ve done to get there.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re smaller than a proton. You could have figured that out by yourself, really.
This shirt tells the world: “Up, Up, Down, Down, Top, Bottom, Top, Bottom… hey, is the “Charm” button select or start?”
We call this color: Royal Blue Academy Of Sciences
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