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The Monster Cookie

by Tony Centeno

$19.00 + free shipping
Royal Blue
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 22 - Dec 23
  • Express - Estimated delivery Dec 20
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members


1st place in Derby #274: Monsters, Robots, and Aliens!, with 590 votes!

It was just a costume for a Halloween party at first.

In the past, I'd gone the clever route, the weird route, and the lazy route, but I'd never worn anything that was traditionally scary. So I thought, this year, I'd challenge myself. I would put together something that might scare people. And what could be better than a mythical monster who feeds on our kind?

I spent many painstaking hours constructing it, putting in far more work than ever before. I don't know why; it just felt right. And I must say, when I put it on and looked in the mirror, I was terrified of myself.

It was dark by the time that I arrived at the party. I was standing outside finishing my cigarette before going in, when the door opened and a couple exited: a molasses cookie done up as a cat and a snicker doodle dressed as a professor.

The glow of my cigarette caught their attention. They looked at me. I nodded, a simple greeting, but they didn't even see, because they were already running away, screaming. That was it. That was all that happened. That's where the story would end it if it were theirs. But it was not. It was mine, and it was just the beginning. You see, their screams filled me with a certain satisfaction I had not, until that moment, ever felt before. I wanted more of it. A lot more.

So, I never went into that party, nor did I go back home. I began roaming the streets, terrorizing the city at night. My passion was fueled by the shrieks and cries of passersby as they scurried away in fear.

I felt sated, happy. Each morning, I'd sneak out of whatever alleyway I was hiding in to steal a newspaper and read about myself. "Monster on the loose," the front page of one would say. "Creature sighted again," said another. I limited myself to two at a time, or else I'd be too giddy to get any sleep.

But recently, the press seems to have taken a new view of me. In fact, just yesterday, I read an article proposing there was nothing to be afraid of. The author argued that, if I were truly a monster, I would have attacked someone by now.

And you know what, he brings up a good point. If I am to be as feared as I desire to be, I must claim a victim. Just like the mythical creature on whom my costume is based, I must consume one of my own kind.

And I'm sorry to say, it's you.

Wear this shirt: if you're going as a cookie dressed as a cookie monster who himself is dressed as a cookie for Halloween.

Don't wear this shirt: if you're going as Big Bird for Halloween. Because we're not going to touch that. Too political.

This shirt tells the world: "Civilized society is crumbling."

We call this color: Royal Blue-kie Crisp!

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 54.009s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 94% second woot
  • 6% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 2% one month old
  • 17% one year old
  • 73% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 94% bought 1
  • 5% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

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The Monster Cookie by Tony Centeno
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.