Like any nation, your teeth need care and stewardship. It’s easy to spend a decade or two eating nothing but candy and going around daring people to punch you in the mouth, but if you do that, what will be left? Maybe you’ll get a couple bucks from the Tooth Fairy in a stimulus package but that won’t do very much.

If you and your cronies want that two liter of Rot Cola so badly, you can’t give up toothpaste to cover the cost. If you do, you’re borrowing from your future to pay for your present. Look, we all got a second chance when we were about ten or eleven and that expendable little tooth colony formed a more perfect union. Don’t waste that chance hoping it might happen again. Help your teeth help you. Besides, aren’t they cute? Look at that one climbing the circle over there. And teeth don’t bend! How’s he even doing that?

This shirt was designed by: fan favorite edgarrmcherly. He’s underground, just about to break. He’s the Jane’s Addiction to Cho’s Journey. He’s wild, man, he’s crazy. He’s jazzy fluoride in a little paper cup. He’s chocolate flavored broccoli on a cinnamon tofu crust. We want to party with him, man.

Wear this shirt: if you’re one of the Cavity Creeps gone undercover to find the secret that will allow for the total and unequivocal destruction of Toothopolis.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’ll be upset when you start hearing radio signals through your teeth. It’s been known to happen, after all.

This shirt tells the world: “It takes a nation of millions to hold off plaque.”

We call this color: Baby Tooth Blue

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