2nd place in Derby #91: Trees, with 841 votes!

Hagayashi tried to obey the anger management counselor. “This rage, this urge to combat,” the counselor said, “It’s killing you. Let someone else slay the dragons and defend the honor and avenge the outrages and all that. It’s time to let Hagayashi take care of Hagayashi. Try gardening.”

He did. He really did. But he couldn’t help pruning a tree like it was a mortal enemy. And when he’d finished hacking and slicing and chopping and slashing, Hagayashi had turned a peaceful creation of nature into a fearsome dragon. Its green fangs quivered with menace. Troubled, Hagayashi stared at the leaf in his hand. Such a tiny, simple leaf. Even it will change, turn colors, evolve. Why can’t I?

Wear this shirt: to remind yourself to beware the killer that lurks inside every tree.

Don’t wear this shirt: while you’re working in the yard, lest bloodlust drive you to annihilate the neighbors’ shrubbery.

This shirt tells the world: “The trees are after me.”

We call this color: A Piercing Cream.

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