2nd place in Derby #249: Astronomy, with 649 votes!
You know, I’m tired of betting on little stuff like sports. Let’s take this to the next level.
“What do you mean? Bet on politics?”
No! I wanna bet on science! Let’s bet on which planet will win the race around the sun this year. I’m throwing down on Saturn!
“Wait, what? No, I don’t think that’s a good idea…”
Too late, bro! Already got my bookie on the line. Yo, is this Craig? Awesome! Put down $10,000 on Saturn… Alright, great! Pleasure doing business with you, my man!
“You should not have done that…”
What are you talking about? It’s 4 trillion to 1 odds! If we win, we’ll be billionaires!
“Actually we’ll be… Well, I’ll get to that later. But, first, you gotta call off that bet, man. Saturn is not going to win.”
Not if you have an attitude like that.
“No, Todd. It’s science. Mercury always wins this… ‘race.’”
No way! He can’t win em all, man! He’s gotta wear down one of these years!
“Okay, let me try a different approach. What if we bet less money? I mean, with those odds, we don’t need to bet $10,000 really.”
But that’s not my style, man! For me, it’s go big or go home!
“Well, what if we bet less on one of the competitors with even crazier odds? Like Neptune! I mean, they put the fastest runners on the outside track…”
I like your thinking. But I’ve got one better. Let me make a quick call… Yeah, Craig? It’s me again. Go ahead and cancel my bet on Saturn…
“Thanks man! Glad you could see it my…”
...And now, put $9500 on Haley’s Comet! I’m thinking we see a big upset this year!
“When I said ‘less’ I was thinking significantly less…”
Wear this shirt: to your track meet or science class. You know what that is? VERSATILITY!!!
Don’t wear this shirt: to the “Make Pluto A Planet Again” rally.
This shirt tells the world: “It’s not about winning or losing. It’s about how you anthropomorphize the planets!”
We call this color: “The navy should leave space travel to NASA,” said the angry man who made points that no one would disagree with.
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