2nd place in Derby #221: Maps Redux!, with 694 votes!

Adjectives are great. Not GREAT great, but great. They fit in the space between really great and super great, like maybe a bit lower than awesomely wicked but a bit higher than wickedly awesome. Get what we’re saying here? No? You think it makes no sense at all?

Well, your’e right. That’s the problem with adjectives. They’re just parsley on the sentences of life. What we really need is some kind of scale made of objective nouns committing verbs, because only then will humanity know if your team winning the World Series is better than a warm plate of cookies, or just as good as being right. Only then can you tell your friend about the movie you saw and how it was sorta like good grammar, but not even like an ugly cat, so maybe just wait for the DVD. And see how simple that was? So much more efficient than “great, but not super great, but there were some good parts, at least, I thought they were good, but maybe you might not, but it’s worth seeing, you know.”

Just be aware this shirt is still a prototype. We’re pretty sure dinosaurs in hats will one day rank higher than fish with teeth.

Wear this shirt: because it’s like a board game you can wear.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re more into whiskers and mittens and brown paper packages. You know, like an Austrian nun.

This shirt tells the world: “Oh, there’s my pen.”

We call this color: My Eyes Are Like Naps And Mustaches? Oh, You Silver-Tongued Devil.

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