3rd place in Derby #101: Fake Band T-Shirts, with 895 votes!

We had it all. Flying around the world on twin-jet rockets. Groupie-bots programmed to satisfy our every desire. And cyber-cocaine and digital LSD pumping through every circuit. I was so out of it, at one Silicon Valley show I set up my cymbal behind me and never even noticed, just reached back and whacked it when I needed to. And the crowd still went wild. We were giants, man.

I knew things had gone terribly wrong when we started getting into having sex with the drugs. I don’t mean having sex with another robot while you’re high; I mean actually attempting to have intimate relations with the narcotic substances themselves. It was messy, expensive, and not very satisfying. Sometimes even painful. But we’d done everything else by then. It was sort of the last thrill left.

Yeah, I regret the way it all fell apart. In all the insanity, what happened was, we forgot that the music made it all possible. Suddenly, one day, everything was gone. No sex, no drugs, and no rock ‘n’ roll. But we had to know that would happen. Just look at the band name: what’s missing?

Wear this shirt: to church and freak out the squares. Just don’t come running to us if you’re smote by lightning.

Don’t wear this shirt: to a Sex Drugs show. Just by being there, you’re telling everyone you like the Sex Drugs, so the t-shirt is redundant.

This shirt tells the world: “I’ll take the wine and women, you take the song.”

We call this color: Don’t Take The Brown 01100001 01100011 01101001 01100100.

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