Not since we unearthed the recipe for Hassan i Sabah’s Turkish Macaroons of the Damned have we been so profoundly disturbed by a cookie. We can only guess what that profane scream sounds like, or what horrors lie in that black maw of a mouth, or what the deal is with those dragging, simian arms. Rumor has it that this was the last cookie Famous Amos talked to before descending into madness.

This shirt was designed by: Greg Abbott, a designer who also works with Emptees and who designed our own Mr. M-. Greg, who divides his time between England, Great Britain, and the United Kingdom, would neither confirm nor deny that as a child he was abused by an anthropomorphic cookie.

Wear this shirt: around your dieting friends to keep them off the sweet stuff. They’ll thank you as soon as they stop crying.

Don’t wear this shirt: and stare at yourself in a mirror. We can’t promise you’ll ever be whole again.

This shirt tells the world: “Drown me in milk. Please. Please. I’m a monster. Have mercy. Drown me.”

We call this color: Shockolate Brown.

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