Man-to-fan interactions may seem simple, but there is actually quite a bit to take into consideration. For example…

When speaking into a fan, your voice will come out the other end sounding much like a robot. Because of this you are required to a) speak about topics that are particularly robotic for maximum believability, or b) speak about topics that are particularly human for maximum irony.

When speaking as a fan, make sure to expel 97% more air then usual and speak in a constant monotone voice. This will make it easier for the person you are speaking with to shut his or her eyes and imagine you as a fan.

When speaking with a fan, always take into to consideration cultural differences. Something that may seem universally unpleasant to you, may, to a fan, be a great source of happiness or pride. Starting the conversation by discussing something like how spinning makes you nauseous or how you hate when it’s windy outside is a surefire way to get off on the wrong foot.

When speaking down to a fan, make sure to call it a whirly-gigger-majigger or a brainless-air-thruster. Fans hate being called that!

Wear this shirt: to protest against blade-less fans.

Don’t wear this shirt: into the past; there’s a lot to explain before they’ll even have enough information to MAYBE get the joke.

This shirt tells the world: “LalalaLuuukkkee… Luuuuuukkkkeeee. I am your faaaaatherrrrrr.”

We call this color: slate noise; like white noise but tougher.

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