If you want to act all hood, you should expect to get called on it.

YO SON, WUS POPPIN’?

“Oh, hey Teddy. What’s up, man?”

“Hey man. How’s it goin’ Teddy?”

YO DAWG, I KNOW I DUN’ TOLD U BEFORE, I AIN’T NO NOBODY NAMED TEDDY.

“Teddy, I’ve been your friend since we were hatchlings. I’m not calling you ‘T-Blade.’”

YOU MUST BE FRONTIN’, SON! WHY YOU GOTTA DIS ME LIKE THAT? T-BLADE IS HOW I ROLL, DAWG!

“No it’s not. A week ago you were T-Blood. Before that you were The Great Turtlino. You have a new, stupid ‘gangster’ name more often than you shower.”

“To be honest they’re hard to keep up with.”

WELL TO BE HONEST I’VE BEEN THINKIN’ OF CHANGIN’ MY BRAND ANYWAY, U KNO GOT TO KEEP IT FRESH. LIKE DIDDY.

“Yeah, man. You need something that plays up your roots. You’re a turtle, after all.”

“Yeah, you gotta rep that turtle pride. Like Jenny from the Block, y’know.”

TRUE DAT, TRUE DAT. BUT I NEED FOOLS TO KNO I’M THE ILLEST TURTLE IN THE SWAMP, U KNO?

“Totally. You should have something tough in there too, like ‘Turtle Murder.’”

I LIKE THA SOUND O’ THAT.

“Or, or, what if you COMBINE them?”

TURTLE AND MURDER?

“Yeah.”

SO, LIKE, TURDER?

snicker “Yeah. Yeah man, that’s PERFECT!”

“Oh god, yes. Yes, that is exactly what he said. Perfect.”

YEAH, U GUYS ARE RIGHT. MAD PROPS, HOMEYS. I GOT TO SPREAD THE WORD, DAWG! LOOK OUT SWAMP, THE TURDER’S COMING THROUGH!

“Maybe say you’re peekin’ your head out. Makes you sound gangster, like you’re sneaking in the night and robbing people.”

YEAH. YEAH, I DIG IT. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOOLS, U NEVER KNO WHEN THE TURDER’S PEEKIN’ HIS HEAD OUT!

“I have to record this.”

Wear this shirt: While rolling down a hill. Rolling down hills is fun!

Don’t wear this shirt: To your gang initiation. Don’t join a gang at all, but if you do you probably won’t be taken seriously with a turtle shirt.

This shirt tells the world: “Yeah, okay, so I don’t roll so good. So sue me.”

We call this color: You one ignorant grass turtle.

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