1st place in Derby #84: The Sea, with 1028 votes!

My figure? Oh, it’s not hard. The trick is to plan out a balanced diet that works for you, and then stick to it one hundred percent.

With me, I use what I call “The Modified Mediterranean”. I start out with seafood in the morning. It’s weird, I know, but it really fills me up without dragging me down. That makes it easy to make it through those morning meetings without falling asleep.

Around lunch, I’ll usually grab a sub, and that’ll keep me going until dinner. I’ve found this is the best time of day to just enjoy myself. Maybe French or Italian, or even Portuguese. I don’t even worry about how many masts it has, I just get whatever I want and enjoy it to the fullest. Then, it’s off to the gym.

I don’t want to sound like some fitness guru or anything, you know. I’m not saying you should try this exact diet. All I’m saying is to find whatever works best for your body type and stick with it. Before too long, you’ll be so thin that people will wonder if you even exist. Oh, swimming helps too.

Wear this shirt: when you’re feeding your pet snake. That will make it feel like you understand the whole process and that’s good for digestion.

Don’t wear this shirt: in Loch Ness, unless you want your picture taken and then mailed to every paranormal journal in the world.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m like Bigfoot!”

We call this color: One Fish, Two Fish, Common Red Fish, Royal Blue Fish

Back to top