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They’re Watching

by Reed Woodruff

$19.00 + free shipping
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Dec 14 - Dec 15
  • Express - Estimated delivery Dec 12
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

They’re shocked, SHOCKED

1st place in Derby #201: Double-Take Derby 13, with 673 votes!

Everywhere I turn, there they are, staring, wearing stunned expressions of mute horror. They know the terrible things I’ve done. They watched it all.

I have my family fooled. My coworkers don’t know my awful secrets. How could they? They’re barely conscious, more like domesticated beasts than men, stumbling through the world distracted, with one eye always on their smartphones, blind to the possibility that evil shares their elevator, that death lunches alongside them, that cruelty manages a team in their fantasy football league.

They don’t see me. Not really. They only see the mask. It deceives them because they are simple.

They’re hopeless. They’re deluded. Their heads are so far up their own butts, they can’t smell the fetid stench of sin. They’ll never discover me, no matter how close they get. They’re like ostriches. With their heads in the sand.

So there’s sand up their butts, I guess. It must be very uncomfortable for them, the grittiness of that, when they walk.

But then there are the outlets.

Look at them, peering at me from every wall, peeking out from under desks, peering slyly from behind bookshelves, their blank eyes fixed on me. They know my guilt. Curse their unblinking gaze! Now at last I understand what it must have been like for Rockwell!

But I know what to do. They’ll be sorry they ever stared at me in silent judgment! I’ll close their gawking eyes, all of them! Why, I’ll take this fork, and I’ll—


Wear this shirt: for a real current, alternative look.

Don’t wear this shirt: in Europe, unless you have the right adaptors.

This shirt tells the world: “I can’t come out tonight, I’M GROUNDED.”

We call this color: The Neutral Slot Is On The Left; The Hot Slot Is On The White

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Our graphic tees are made for all those days (see every day) that you need to get shirt done! Our professionally printed t-shirts are produced in-house to create an experience you will never forget.

Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our t-shirt designs are created by the best artists in the industry. We know that the combination of our t-shirts, exclusive design selection, world-class artists, and quality production, makes people smile.

Sizing Chart:

Please check our sizing chart before you order.

Classic T-Shirt Fit:

This shirt is made for those of you that like a looser fitting shirt (classic seemed appropriate)! This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look Woot-astic!

  • Standard fit (slightly boxy t-shirt, a little loose)
  • Fiber Content: 4.5 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: Honduras
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA

Fitted T-Shirt Fit:

Our fitted t-shirts are made for those times when you want to feel slimmer — or when you want to go out on the town — or just because you like fitted shirts 'cause you're slim and stuff. This t-shirt is made from the finest ring spun cotton to make you look fit-astic (get it?)!

  • Fitted T-Shirt fit (narrower shoulder and body)
  • Fiber Content: 4.2 oz/yd 100% Combed ring spun cotton
  • Manufactured In: USA, Central America, Vietnam or Bangladesh
  • Printed In: Carrollton, Texas, USA


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
1m 10.000s
First Sucker:
Last Wooter to Woot:

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 93% second woot
  • 7% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 7% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 2% one month old
  • 21% one year old
  • 70% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 93% bought 1
  • 6% bought 2
  • 1% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

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They’re Watching by Reed Woodruff
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.