If this was a Grimms’ fairy tale no one would bat an eye.

Oh sure, it was a-okay to be a children’s writer depicting horrific dismemberments and death in the 1800s, but try it now and every parents’ group this side of the Mississippi wants to arrange a protest and call for your head.

What’s the big deal? Death’s a part of life! Kids need to learn that.

And sometimes, especially grisly and horrific death is a part of life. Like, death that occurs in part because of your own greed or sloth or evil schemings. And kids need to know that if they grow up to be the kind of wicked stepmother who would cut the head off your own stepson to allow your daughter to become her stepfather’s favorite child, odds are good that the stepson will come back as a bird and murder you by dropping a giant rock on your head.

What?! Explain to me how that’s not a practical lesson!

Wear this shirt: To your new cooking class at the community college.

Don’t wear this shirt: If you’re going to fret over the physics of how there should be more of a splash and it should probably be feet sticking out, not ears.

This shirt tells the world: “Too many bodies spoil the broth.”

We call this color: Green Gruel

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