2nd place in Derby #231: Over-Indulgence, with 506 votes!

Look, what we did to Cherry and Vanilla Sprinkles, it’s real bad, but they pushed us. They were nothing but a couple of bullies.

They were always pushing us around, making us feel small. We’d all be hanging out in the freezer, just joking around and having a good time, and then up comes Vanilla Sprinkles and his friend from the shelf in the fridge, Cherry. They’d spit on Little Strawberry and tell Chocolate she was looking melty. But the worst was what they’d do or say to poor Plain Vanilla. It was just awful. Even just thinking about is enough to make some of us cry.

So yeah, we had to do something. Well, Coffee, he got this idea. He said, “If Vanilla Sprinkles and Cherry think they’re so above us, let’s just let them be above us.” His plan was simple; we would drop little hints about how great life was as the top scoop. We’d each blather on about how much we wanted to be on last scoop and how crushing and how terrible it would be stuck under someone else. Vanilla Sprinkle and Cherry, they took the bait easily. Too easily, almost. A few of us even felt bad about it for a moment, but all it took to break that was to think of Plain Vanilla’s tears. Poor, poor Plain Vanilla.

At any rate, when it came time to get scooped, they waited everyone out just like we hoped, and sure enough they ended up on top. For a short while, they loved it. They gloated about the view, asked us how the weather was down there, and laughed like idiots.

Then the eating started, and the gloating stopped. Cherry was gone with just one bite, but Vanilla Sprinkles, he took a while. He begged us for help, but we pretended we didn’t hear him. And besides, what could we do? Soon enough he was too weak even to beg, and then he was gone.

We considered ourselves lucky when the kid got a stomachache only halfway through Strawberry Sprinkles – we did a transplant from the tub; he recovered, but he’s never been the same – but the more we think about it, the less lucky we feel. Yeah, we finally got rid of those jerks, and yeah, we get to live another day. But can we live with ourselves after what we’ve done? We’re not so sure.

Wear this shirt: if you care for those who’ve supported you along the way.

Don’t wear this shirt: when it feels like things are just piling on.

This shirt tells the world: “Too much is the new enough.”

We call this color: Brown as hot fudge on a Sunday.

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