Trees are Jerks

by thatrobert

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Color Silver

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d-bags (the "d" stands for deciduous)

1st Place in Derby #424: Biology with 163 votes!

Hello and welcome to “What Kind of Tree is That?” This week we’re looking at the Lorp’s Mandible Oak, so named for its evergreen leaves and bone-crushing jaws. The Lorp’s Mandible Oak is mostly hairless, unlike my producer’s mother’s upper lip. What, Carl? How do I know? Oh, I’ve "seen" your mother, Carl. Anyway, the Lorp’s Mandible Oak can mainly be found in hardwood forests and live up to 300 years, which is still younger than Carl’s mom - YEAH YOU HEARD ME, CARL - not to mention better looking I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK. WHERE’S MY SANDWICH?

As I was saying, the Lorp’s Mandible Oak has hardy roots and a coarse bark. Speaking of bark, my producer’s mother … WHERE ARE YOU GOING OH YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA STOP THE SHOW? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITHOUT ME? YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST UNPLU

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