Little old to be trick-or-treating, aren’t you?

Why, I remember the first time you ever came to my house on Halloween! I said to myself, “That little Christopher is going to grow up to be such a handsome, productive, employed man!” Oh, well they say you can’t win ‘em all but I had hoped I’d win at least one. How are you?

...Not too talkative tonight, eh Chris? Well I can understand it, considering the reek of gin you’re emanating. Okay, I can see by your shirt you must be here for candy. Well I have both kinds: taffy in the orange wrapper, and taffy in the black wrapper. Which would you like?

“Turn off the porch light.”

What? Why would I turn off the light? I can clearly see your shirt there says “Trick or Treat.” Why, to turn off my porch light would defeat the purpose of your shirt entirely, for I would not be able to see the helpful instruction.

“Turn. Off. The. Light.”

Alright fine, but I don’t see what- Oh! Oh my! Oh no, Chris! Not like this! Don’t do this Chris! Noooooooo!

Wear this shirt: To your office. All those fools will be laughing at your shirt which will actually be telling them to smell your feet!

Don’t wear this shirt: To meet the president in the dark.

This shirt tells the world: “The only thing adult about me is my shirt size.”

We call this color: Black Cat

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