You want a taste of this? Huh? You think you bad now? Bring it. Make a move. Come on, Miles Standish. Pick up that knife and fork. Show me what you got. I’m about to open up a cornucopia of pain, covered in suffering sauce, with a side dish of candied misery. I’m still mad at the way I couldn’t get no love from the Continental Congress when Ben Franklin proposed me as the national bird. And I’m ready to take it out on somebody. Give me an excuse. Come and have a go if you think you’re hungry enough.

This shirt was designed by: an early Woot staff member based in Plymouth, Massachusetts, whose name is forever lost to history.

Wear this shirt: when you march with the Turkey Resistance Front.

Don’t wear this shirt: to the annual turkey-pardoning ceremony at the White House. This presentation of the turkey as violent and aggressive may prejudice the officials against it.

This shirt tells the world: “Your Flabby Glutton style is no match for my Roasted Turkey style.”

We call this color: Cream of Murder.

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