It just isn’t fair. The hare is already naturally faster than I am. Now he has a faster car, too? Call me a Luddite, but I liked it better in the good old days, when we raced on foot. At least then I had a chance. Nowadays the race doesn’t even last long enough for him to get drowsy.

But as terrible as it is for me, the ones I worry about the most are the children. Back when I used to beat the tortoise, the kids learned a valuable lesson about patience and perseverance. Now, what’s the message? That you can’t win unless you’re born with natural advantages and you can afford better gear?

Actually, I wish would’ve learned that lesson earlier myself.

This shirt was designed by: redcoulter, proving that when it comes to Editors’ Picks, cute and steady wins the race.

Wear this shirt: if you missed the Golden Age of children’s illustration, before the hippies came along and made everything all scribbly and rustic.

Don’t wear this shirt: During rabbit season. Or turtle season. Or rabbit season. Or turtle season. Or rabbit season. Or turtle season. Or rabbit season. Or turtle season. Or…

This shirt tells the world: “The rich get richer and the fast get faster.”

We call this color: Hot Red.

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