3rd place in Derby #149: Psychedelia, with 730 votes!

“Oh, yeah, baby, you bet, I’m a genuine marine biologist. I wouldn’t lie about my work. I’m way into manatees and jellyfish and all that stuff. That’s why I wear this seashell necklace. To remind me of the sea, and how it’s the cradle of life and whatever.

“Oh, yeah, whales too. I’m all about the whales. You know, saving them and stuff.

“But my real totem animal, like, has gotta be the sea turtle. I just feel—I dunno, like a spiritual bond with them, you know? I think it’s because out of all the ocean’s creatures, they’re the most… uh…

“Right! Yes! They have ‘old souls;’ that’s exactly right. Wow, it’s like you totally get me. Say, how would you like to head down to the beach and get it on sea-turtle style? By which I mean I only get a chance to do it about once every two to four years.

“Hey, wait! Come back! I didn’t even get your name! Don’t be like that! Copulation is natural, baby! Hasn’t nature tortoise anything?”

Wear this shirt: whenever you feel like coming out of your shell a little.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you are a teenaged student of martial arts with abnormalities in your DNA. It’d be a little too much.

This shirt tells the world: “In Mexico, they’re known as ‘Yes Turtles.’”

We call this color: Sea Turtle Egg Creme

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