Back to


Free Express shipping. Learn more

Free shipping for Prime members on Woot!

Woot! customers who are Amazon Prime members can enjoy special shipping benefits on Woot!, including:

Amazon Prime membership required. See individual offer pages for shipping details and restrictions. Not valid for international shipping addresses.

Unexpected News

by Anna-Maria Jung

$19.00 + free shipping
Kelly Green
Limit 15 per customer
  • Standard - Estimated delivery Oct 4 - Oct 6
  • Express - Estimated delivery Oct 1 - Oct 3
  • Standard International - Estimated delivery Oct 9 - Oct 11
  • Free Express shipping for Prime members

Destructosaur, You are the Father

Of course, these over-the-counter paternity tests are not really intended for use on prehistoric monsters

I’ll never forget that day.

One minute I’m just rampaging, not a care in the world, and the next minute Ka-Lar the Grok-dan drops this bombshell on me. I was stunned. Of course, the Air Force was also literally dropping actual bombshells on me at the time. So probably it was the combination.

But yeah, it was a shock. It was like the bottom dropped out. Suddenly I knew how those commuters must have felt when I stomped open a crevasse in their HOV lane. It was like everything had turned upside-down. Like how everyone in that diner must have felt. You know, when I turned it upside-down.

I kind of couldn’t believe it. Pregnant? It was just that one time! Just one regrettable mistake. And now I was going to pay for it for the rest of my life. My lifespan, incidentally, has been prolonged by exposure to radiation. I might actually be immortal. So “the rest of my life” could be a long haul.

Who knew I was even reproductively compatible with a Grok-dan? I’d never even been a hundred per cent sure Ka-Lar was female, which is why I hadn’t told any of my friends about our hook-up. But they were sure going to find out now. I admit I was freaked out. I started looking for something good to smash. Like something with a historical marker on it.

But then I started thinking about it.

I started to imagine how different my life was going to be like in a year, or six months, or ten years, or however long a Grok-dan’s gestational period is. Down the line, I wasn’t just going to be Destructosaur, terrifying visitor from the deep. I was going to be “Daddy,” at least to one little monster. Or maybe eight little monsters. Or several hundred monster larvae. Or a toxic egg cluster. Or a sentient vapor. Mad science only knows what the heck Ka-Lar’s going to squeeze out, really.

Anyway, the more I pictured that, the more inclined I was to think maybe this wasn’t such bad news after all.

Yeah, that was the most important day of my life.

Well, actually it’s a tie: That day and the day the U.S. Navy’s secret undersea nuclear weapons testing program awakened me from a millennia-long slumber.

Wear this shirt: if you’re either A) obviously pregnant or B) obviously not pregnant.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re not pregnant, but you’ve got a body type that seems to inspire people to incorrectly assume you are, and they sometimes ask about it.

This shirt tells the world: “Who(and/or what)’s your daddy?”

We call this color: Oh, Look, It Has Your Kelly Green Scales

Back to top


Our graphic tees are made for every day that you need to get shirt done! Seriously, our t-shirts have been a graphic tee loving enthusiast's favorite since 2007. Our shirts are printed in the USA and every time you buy a shirt, one of our talented artists gets paid!


For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Women’s V-Necks

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Tank Tops

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Long Sleeves

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Pullover Hoodies

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Crewneck Sweatshirts

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.

Zip Hoodies

For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.


For sizing info, care and fabric details click here.


Sales Stats

Speed to First Woot:
0m 51.000s

Purchaser Experience

  • 0% first woot
  • 96% second woot
  • 4% < 10 woots
  • 0% < 25 woots
  • 0% ≥ 25 woots

Purchaser Seniority

  • 9% joined today
  • 1% one week old
  • 3% one month old
  • 28% one year old
  • 59% > one year old

Quantity Breakdown

  • 96% bought 1
  • 4% bought 2
  • 0% bought 3 or more

Percentage of Sales Per Hour

12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Percentage of Sales Per Day

Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat Sun

Woots by State

zero wooters wootinglots of wooters wooting

Best sellers in Shirt

Deals our customers love best.
  1. Enso Kaiju
  2. Moonlight Pilot
  3. Spooky Pumpkitten
  4. Sleepy Autumn Fox
Unexpected News by Anna-Maria Jung
$19.00 In Stock Apparel & Accessories
$19.00 USD false 1 Retail EA
1 15
Woot! Shirt.Woot
4121 International Pkwy Carollton TX 75007 U.S.A.