2nd place in Derby #241: Double-Take Derby 16, with 689 votes!

Look, I don’t see what the big deal is! I was just trying to have some fun around the office, you know? I mean, I work with these unicorns all friggin’ day and they’re always laughing or giggling about something. I’m the only donkey in the whole office. I just wanted to join in on the fun, that’s all. But now I’m sitting in Horse Resources and being told I’m “under investigation?” That I could lose my job just for sticking a plastic cone on my head? That’s not what I wanted at all!

Okay, I’ll admit, I could’ve used a better choice of words when I sprung the joke. At the time, I wasn’t using my better judgment and, for that, I really do humbly apologize, I swear. I’m not the pervert you all are making me out to be. I got a wife and little colt at home, you know? I just got caught up in the moment!

You have to admit, anyone in my position could’ve made the same mistake. They have horns. The very definition of the word I used is “having horns or hornlike projections.” I was just trying to fit in!

Wear this shirt: when you want to feel magical.

Don’t wear this shirt: to any kind of “show” your taxi driver in Mexico says you just have to see to believe. Trust me on this one.

This shirt tells the world: “If it wasn’t for the media’s obsession with beautiful manes and rainbow sparkles, maybe our young colts wouldn’t have such horrible body image issues.”

We call this color: Jack Asphalt

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