1st place in Derby #56: Your Favorite Element, with 661 votes!

Hey kids! Today we’re going to make high-density kinetic-energy penetrator ammunition! That’s the ammo that’s so dense, hard, and flammable that it can rip apart and incinerate an armored tank with one well-placed shot!

First, get ahold of some depleted uranium (DU). You can probably dig it up in canisters near a nuclear plant or nuclear waste dump. Get Mom or Dad to help you open the hexaflouride tank it was buried in. If you can’t find any, try contacting rogue elements from the security apparatus of the former Soviet Union. They should have some, for a price. Don’t worry – it’s not that radioactive!

Next, mix it with another metal to create a stable alloy. Titanium always works well, but don’t use too much or your ammo will lose its punch! 1% or so oughtta do it.

Then, melt down your alloy and cast it into ordnance. 30mm is probably the most popular calibre, but check your arsenal to see what kind of weapons you have on hand. Don’t be afraid to try something new. That’s what fun with depleted uranium is all about!

Now you’re ready to join the 20 or so countries already using depleted uranium weapons. Get out there and blow up a tank or something, before DU usage is officially declared a war crime! But remember: safety first!

This shirt was designed by: Derby contestant kdeuce, figuratively blowing away the competition.

Wear this shirt: if you don’t want anybody to sit next to you on the plane.

Don’t wear this shirt: to that clandestine meeting in Prague.

This shirt tells the world: “Ah, blow it out uranium.”

We call this color: Radioasphalt.

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