You know, Leif, I think we may want to rethink our approach to this whole sailing thing.

It’s just that we’ve lost a lot of longboats lately, you know? And that’s not to mention the ever-dwindling number of extremely long-legged Norsemen we’re facing. Pretty soon those guys aren’t even going to exist if we don’t do something about the boats’ design problem.

Well, of course, it’s a problem, Leif! Lemme paint you a picture. Boat sails off. Our guys are kicking like crazy. Sharks come up and chomp off their legs, creating a hole in the boat where the stump is. Suddenly the entire voyage becomes an exercise in screaming, blood, drowning, and DEATH. That’s what’s happening out there, my friend, and ain’t nobody getting into Valhalla that way.

Here’s an idea: we take long pieces of wood and we fashion them into paddles, or “oars”, that we use to row, row, row the boat forward. No legs in the water, no holes in the boat, no problem. Sounds crazy, I know, but I’ve got a feeling it just might work.

Wear this shirt: while relaxing with a little folk metal after a long day’s pillage.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a fan a Charlemagne.

This shirt tells the world: “I really like long-legged vikings. Don’t judge me.”

We call this color: Under The Deep Baby Blue Sea

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