Who you callin’ Van Ho, little Dutch boy? Don’t you know I carry a razor?

Jackie? Hi, it’s Rachel. Oh, fine, fine, I just thought I’d chat. Little Vincent’s at school and you know how Big Vinnie gets this time of day. He’s off with his buddy Paul at the bar doing God knows what. I guess can’t can’t complain, his paintings are selling so well. Say, Jackie, you’ll get a kick out of this. Just last night, Vinnie and I were talking about how we got together… right, about the eye he gave me after he and Paul… right. Anyway, we started playing “What If” and oh, it was just the funniest thing! I mean, imagine if he had cut off his nose, or shaved his head or… oh, Jackie, his ear? Why, that’s disgusting! I certainly wouldn’t have married a man who cut off his ear. And Paul, why, I’m certain he would have just left the country entirely. Oh, Jackie, let’s not even think about that. I’m sorry I even brought it up now. Brrrr. Who would have wanted to buy a painting from some freak with a cut up ear? I mean, while he was alive. Okay, Jackie, I should go as well. Nice talking to you too, dear. Bye bye.

Wear this shirt: because after theinfinityloop dies, it’s gonna skyrocket in value. No kidding. All the experts say so.

Don’t wear this shirt: when you’re doing your impersonation of a thing you tie horses to. Because then you’ll be a post impressionist and it won’t be STOP BOOING ME I WORKED HARD ON THAT JOKE WHY DO YOU ALL HAVE TO BE SO MEAN TO EVERYONE ALL OF THE TIME

This shirt tells the world: “Guard this object carefully.”

We call this color: “Trinquetaille Bridge”. It’s the only thing we found when we searched “Van Gogh” and “Asphalt” together. Look it up, it’s quite nice.

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