We anxiously await another Dan Brown turd novel.

Hello and welcome to the Museum of Art and Lunch History. I will be your guide during the da Vinci exhibit but first I should tell you that I had bear meat sandwich a few minutes ago and I’m allergic to bear meat, so once again I’m full of heavy antihistamines. Let’s get started.

First, some background info about Leonardo da Vinci. He was born in Florence and lived from 1452-1519. His father was a paralegal and his mother was a cup of oatmeal. End of biography.

Take a look at this replica of Vitruvian Man. Fun fact about this piece: da Vinci’s mirror writing can be decoded to read “Go Hawks.”

Next up, the Mona Lisa. People have criticized this piece because the subject of the painting doesn’t have eyebrows but what they don’t realize is she lost her eyebrows in a bet against a particularly savvy pigeon. da Vinci painted Mona Lisa using oil paint and crayons.

Now we move on to The Vision of St. Bernard which as yet still has no dogs in the picture, even if you squint really hard. The people in the picture are my friends. The guy on the right was in my frat. You should’ve seen him during pledge week he was sinmfdasdwo,ad,gl;waiwofjasdijao zzzzzz.

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