3rd place in Derby #128: Things That Start With The Letter V, with 508 votes!

We went to school with this kid Clayton, who was really smart, but seriously deficient when it came to what you might call social skills. He had a tin ear for conventions of conversation. He was way too loud all the time. We seem to recall an incident when he licked a girl in the classroom.

He was annoying, but we were sympathetic to him. He obviously couldn’t help it. He was just a weird dude. Like, congenitally.

One time our teacher told us, as a pretty ham-fisted and transparent parable, about the caterpillar, which is a creepy, crawly, kind of nasty thing, but which can, in its chrysalis, transform into a thing of stately beauty, and how we should bear in mind that something like this process can take place even in people, so we should sometimes try to be patient with our peers who skeeve us out.

Of course we all knew exactly who she was talking about, but Clayton probably didn’t, because he just piped right up without raising his hand and said “IF YOU’RE SUGGESTING THAT YOU BELIEVE THE HUMAN SPECIES IS CAPABLE OF METAMORPHOSIS I’M AFRAID YOU MAY NOT BE QUALIFIED TO BE TEACHING US SCIENCE.”

The rest of us were all kind of like: Clayton, dude, this is just the sort of thing that earns you all those wedgies.

Wear this shirt: if you’re a butterfingers, a butterface, or a butter-any-other-body-part.

Don’t wear this shirt: to your weekly Scattergories Meetup, unless you’ve got another V ready to go for “type of insect.”

This shirt tells the world: “You know those people who occasionally confuse entomology with etymology? Yeah, I’m not one of them.”

We call this color: Black Butterfly

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