1st place in Derby #143: Earth Day, with 923 votes!

They say we only get one world, but that’s not really true. It’s just that they keep cutting NASA’s funding. With the right budget, we could have six or seven planets to mess up. Wouldn’t that be easier? Somebody irritates you, bang, zoom, right out the door to a nice green field and the Cylons.

What? You don’t want to go into outer space? Too much work? Too hard to figure out? Too expensive? Well, then. Guess you’re stuck here with the rest of us. Guess we really do have one world after all. Tell you what, we’ll meet you halfway. You clean up your room, and then we’ll look the other way while you back your SUV over Barbara Streisand. Okay? Okay.

Wear this shirt: only after you’ve made it clear that you aren’t supporting Pour Blue Paint On The Canadian Tundra Day.

Don’t wear this shirt: to a wet t-shirt contest. Yeah, it seems like it would work thematically, but you’ll never get the crowd reaction you’ll need to make it to the final round. We lost out on $500 because of that. It’s just not fair.

This shirt tells the world: Seriously! It’s not fair! We worked hard on our dance moves and the prize went to some hussy in a Haynes? She didn’t even dance! She just stood there! The whole system is broken if you ask me. It just makes a mockery of what wet t-shirt contests used to stand for. They used to MEAN something, you know? Now we can’t even bear to be involved.

We call this color: Royal Big Blue Marble

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