3rd place in Derby #106: Double-Take Derby 6, with 689 votes!

Um, hi, excuse me, I know, awk-warrrrd, right? But, well, this is a nice house, isn’t it a nice house? And you’ve got a lot of toys in this room and that’s a very expensive wood your bed is made from. Did you know that? I’ve had a lot of beds on my head and yours is one of the best. Your parents must really love you. Or at least want to keep you quiet.

But, well, it’s all so fancy here. And I never know how to act at fancy dinners. I mean, one’s salad, one’s dessert, they’re both small, and what’s up with all the spoons? A pasta spoon? That’s like movie star stuff! Does your family eat with a pasta spoon? I bought one, but I just don’t know how it works.

Anyway, I know you’re sleepy, and I’m sorry I had to wake you up, but I really was hoping you’d teach me about the cutlery. Here, take a look at my fork. Is this for the salad or the entree? And would you use this knife for butter or for the liver of a small child?

Wear this shirt: when you’re going to bed. This is a pretty cool monster. Having it around might make the other monsters feel self-conscious about how they look. Nothing makes monsters go away like poor self esteem.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you’re a professional food critic. Unless you eat a lot of veal. Then it would be accurate.

This shirt tells the world: “Feed your imagination. Otherwise it might learn to hunt.”

We call this color: Orange You Glad You Didn’t Turn On The Light?

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