Cuteness will get you nowhere. Efficiency, on the other hand...

Greetings, fast food executives. I'm glad you could take the time to gather here at The Good Ol' Times Farm and Bio-Engineering Improvement Facility. I, Dr. Randolph FitzMatterson, am very excited to unveil our newest breakthrough - Baconly!

Yes, the blob sitting before you is actually a living, breathing organism. You see, we took an average swine, and made... let's call them "modifications" or better yet, "enhancements." Basically, we built a "pig" that has no head, legs, back, bone structure, tail, or anything aside from the bacon-rich under-region! That's right, Baconly is the most efficient bacon-producing pig yet! And cheap too! All the bacon to lay upon your double-cheeseburgers at half the price!

You could even use it as a "going green" thing, because you are wasting less pig than ever before!

Wear this shirt: when you're tending to the pigs. It lets them know what areas they need to work on.

Don't wear this shirt: to the tofu ranch.

This shirt tells the world: "I like the meat that everyone else likes!"

We call this color: not red meat.

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