You know, it’s not so bad. There are lots of studies. It isn’t all radium in the ears and lipstick in the… well, that was probably just a rumor. Hey, what about the obesity studies? All day, just getting paid to get pizzas and cupcakes under a doctor’s care. That’s a pretty sweet gig. And running mazes? That’s like playing Dungeons And Dragons professionally!

Okay, fine, a few disgruntled employees made the whole business look dangerous, and maybe it used to be. But today, it’s a whole different world. And you make connections, too! My old college buddy met his wife there, and now they live in a private cage by the beach! It’s an opportunity! It won’t be so bad. It won’t be so bad.

This shirt was designed by: edgarrmcherly, who tested the design on a monkey before submitting it to us. That poor, well-dressed monkey.

Wear this shirt: if you’re into playing Frisby.

Don’t wear this shirt: if you work for the National Institute of Mental Health. Wait, we take that back, scientists would probably get a kick out of this one.

This shirt tells the world: “Give me a chance, I have three to twelve mouths to feed!”

We call this color: Thresholds Of Thread Dye Tolerance Specifically Pertaining To Internet Shirt Wearing Habits In White Mice

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