Slow, steady, and heavily armed.
1st place in Derby #124: Naughty and Nice, with 1346 votes!
And as the smoke cleared and the crowd of woodland creatures began peering out from their hiding places, it was obvious that this race had been decided. Toby spat angrily on the ground.
“Anyone else have something to say?” he growled. Max Hare’s body shuddered as his nerves fired their last, feeble signals to muscles that had seconds ago been pumping dutifully to careen the cocky rabbit through the woods but now lay silent. The smell of singed fur hung in the air, fetid and thick.
Max’s widow Harriet sobbed just a few yards away as Theo Badger restrained her from clamoring out into the street to hug Max one last time. No one knew exactly what was going through Toby’s mind, and it was too dangerous to risk retrieving their friend’s body.
“Shut that she-rabbit up!” Toby bellowed. This was all wrong. His was to be a tale of redemption, of overcoming impossible odds to prove that sometimes the little guy could win. Now, though, he was a monster. His own children cowered from his gaze behind a fern. “What did you people expect?!” his voice cracked, “That stupid rabbit has picked on me for 16 years! I have limits!” Toby fired randomly into the sky. Where did it go from here? Surely the police were on their way. He had more than enough firepower to end them as well, but then what? A life on the run, as an outcast?
Slowly, the lowly tortoise reached up for his WarSnapper Mk. VII Battle Armor’s self destruct switch.
“I didn’t do this,” Toby said, “and neither did Max. It was you! All of you! No one would ever dare say anything, for fear of disrupting the harmony of the forest! Our blood is on your hands, and now so is your own!” Toby flipped the switch.
The last thing the animals saw was a light whiter than Max’s fur.
Wear this shirt: to the petting zoo. Teach those bunnies that a little respect can go a long way.
Don’t wear this shirt: to the Herpetarium. You don’t want to encourage anyone.
This shirt tells the world: “Root for the little guy? I am the little guy.”
We call this color: Gone Wrong Green
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