The most important thing you can do for your family is to protect them after you die.

But just a simple piece of paper might not be enough. There are hundreds of aquatic scoundrels who travel the country, looking for sad and lonely widows and widowers who fear being left alone forever.

They come on like big fish, just there for companionship, but in reality, they are mammals, wanting the same thing all mammals want. Before long that polite gentleman who always takes out the trash is ordering shrimp by the truckload and having a giant water tank added to the backyard… all with the money you meant for your loved ones to have.

Lawyers joke about it amongst themselves. The moment there’s a will, there’s a whale. Don’t leave your loved ones to figure out their own way in a moment of supreme grief. Invest in a giant squid, and keep your family safe… in the long term.

This message brought to you by the International Foundation For Giant Squids.

Wear this shirt: if you’re a whale who really wants to be in the Green Lantern Corps. Marketing never hurt anyone. It’s even the right color so you can impress the bosses.

Don’t wear this shirt: when lying on the beach. It might seem funny, but people don’t like to be fooled into pushing other people into the water.

This shirt tells the world: “Will’s around here somewhere, hang on, I’ll get him.”

We call this color: Baby Blue Whale (awwwwww)

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