The Crosswalk Strikes Back
“Freeze, rebel scum! Drop those plans immediately or OOPS! Hold your wamp rats, TK-80085. Don’t want to cross against the light now, do we?”
“Are you serious, TK-7734?! He’s got the secret plans for the superweapon! We’ve got to blast him and…”
“Negative, TK-80085. Imperial law CLEARLY states that one must only cross at the designated crosswalk AND when signaled to do so. If we cross now, we’ll be just as bad as that Rebel.”
“BUT HE’S GETTING AWAY! Look at him! He’s stopped to look at us now! He’s… he’s taunting us with a rude gesture! I’m just going to blast him anyway.”
“STAND DOWN. Imperial law ALSO states you can not fire a blaster weapon into traffic.”
“Oh, come on!”
“Look, TK-80085, in case you haven’t noticed, we live in an Empire. An Empire governed by certain laws to help control and pacify its citizenry. Those laws aren’t to be broken by the likes of you and me. Only dark emperors and their apprentices get to go around blasting and choking whoever they want. Are YOU an emperor or an apprentice?”
“Sigh. No, sir.”
“I didn’t think so. Now, press that button there and let’s try to exercise a little patience.”
Wear this shirt: while watching The Ewok Adventure and Ewoks: The Battle Of Endor.
Don’t wear this shirt: if you still wish Lucas had gone with Kashyyyk and Wookiees rather than Ewoks and Endor.
This shirt tells the world: “Ewok, don’t run.”
We call this color: Now Witness The Firepower Of This Fully ARMED And OPERATIONAL Black T-Shirt!
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