I thought this was the Kama Sutra.

You’re telling me these are wrestling moves? Aw, man. That’s weak. I thought this was an erotic encyclopedia of lust on my chest. It’s not the same if it’s just some animals roughhousing with people. I’m not as into that.

Well, I mean I’ve heard those moves have weird names too, like “Cobra Dances with Monkey” or “Flying Lotus Bomb” or “Cup the Bodhisattvas” or whatever; I figured I would wear this and women would be flocking to me all intrigued by my sexual prowess and lusty cunning.

As it turns out, they’re just continuing to ignore me for being a cartoon-swaddled buffoon barking out sexually graphic pick-up lines.

Wear this shirt: THIS SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! AS MANEATER MILDRED TAKES ON SLAPSHOT MAGOO IN A NO HOLDS BARRED CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!

Don’t wear this shirt: To an actual wrestling match. The Greco-Roman kind. Those people are tough.

This shirt tells the world: “I’m pretty sure we could invent sexual positions but keep these names.”

We call this color: It says this move is called ‘Dance of the Silverfish.’

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