OK, I’ll check my email one more time and then I’m getting started.
Description for this shirt… description for this shirt… Hmm. Drawing a blank here. Am I just not inspired? It should be easy. It’s a cool shirt. Maybe I need to take a break from thinking about it and go for a little walk, maybe have an ice cream sandwich, and look at it again with fresh eyes.
No, no, the write-up is overdue already; I need to just focus. So let’s see. Description for this shirt. OK, maybe something like:
A shirt like this only comes around once in a great while.
That’s a good start.
Wait, no it isn’t. That’s stupid. A shirt like this comes around all the time. We sell a new one every day. Well, not a Heather Gray one every day. Maybe highlight that. Heather Gray, every day. By the way. A bale of hay. Christian Bale. Christian Science. Science Fiction. Ugh, I’ve got nothing.
Maybe I need to go to the bathroom. No, that’s silly. I’ll go when I’ve written today’s shirt description. That will be my reward. I get to go relieve myself when and only when I’ve finished with—OK, now I’ve thought about it too much and it’s urgent. I’ll go to the bathroom now, but I need to bang out a description for this shirt as soon as I get back, no dilly-dallying around.
Wear this shirt: for the duration of National Novel Writing Month, every day and every night. Sleep in it. Jog in it. Shower in it.
Don’t wear this shirt: in a Park Slope coffee shop with a cummerbund on, or some frustrated Macbook-pounder is liable to knock you down and partially disrobe you to find out what the last word is, only to discover it’s a cruel joke, like the one played on the Valley People at the end of “One Tin Soldier.”
This shirt tells the world: “Sure it looks like I’m just playing Xbox, but who’s to say it isn’t research for my manuscript?”
We call this color: It Was A Dark And Heather Gray
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